I'M KAI NOT KHAI .:

Monday, March 16, 2009

it's 5.23am now and i'm not sleeping..

i just can't put myself to bed.. i'm at shah's house, with farhan and emilla. shah's sleeping, so is em, farhan's taking a nap after going one day w/o sleeping, just to rush his project. oh fuck .. farhan's laptop is playing some emo shit song .. ._. ahh, what the hell am i doing here. i nid head to sch at 12pm, hanging out with peeps in the evening .. yet i ain't sleeping. jesus ..

for the past few hours, i've been asking myself this question "mianglin, what if"?? what if things didn't turn out this way? will it be better? will it be worse? what if i could turn back the hands of time and correct all my mistakes, where would i be now? who will i be?

i can't help but look back. call me whatever u want.

what if, what if things didn't went wrong, would i be there talking to cheewai about some personal stuffs? will the class chalet be different? will my life be different as compared to now?
why, why did heaven played that joke on me. why did they object us being together?

don't get me wrong, i ain't tryna get things back on track again. glad that ya doing fine now. living ya life, doing what ya do best. carry on with that good stuffs that ya into.

shah, the deal u me farhan and desmond have. i'll never forfeit it. u've my words. yes u may be sleeping now, because i'm right smack in ur room. i'm glad to know u, the first gl whom talked to me, the most on person i've known. the first malay guy whom i thought was indian. the first person who con me to ur house telling me how ''not boring'' it will be at ur house.

look who's sleeping now.. ahh, nt trippin'. just reminding. ha.

sl camp's just a week away, fo's 17 days. things are getting tighter now, i need some breathing space. pass me an inhaler, a space and some air. things will get better, i'm nt gon disappoint no one, ain't gon let them down. am tryna be a better man, am gon thrive on adversity..

can't wait for school to kickstart again, can't wait to see new faces, meet new people. can't wait to start a different path in studies. can't wait to get myself going again, like how i've done over the past 17years..

mom's bday next sun, brother's next next tues, super advance happy bday though. can't imagine whom i'll be w/o them.. recalled my brother getting me a batman toy for my 8th bday? ha, that's so sweet of him, he taught me lots of things, he's like my role model.. he's just .. i'm at a loss of word, if only any word in this world could be used to describe how much he meant to me.

my mom, she's an angel presented to me by high above. for those whom never knew how much she did, here's one example .. she had diabetics, and ran the risk of getting blind to give birth to this kid right here. she went through operation to get me out. i can't imagine if she encountered any mishap while bringing me to earth, i'll probably be living this burden for my entire life.

my dad, he has my utmost respect, if respect can be counted in bits, he'll have all of them. he's charismatic, he cooks great food, he's hospitable, he's cool-headed, he gives me his support in things i've been pursuing. he allows me to venture into the outside world myself. he's everything i could ask for.
he didn't scold me for piercing my ear, he reminded me to inform them before hand, he told me if i were to tattoo, one will be enough, nt the whole body, he challenged me to keep my hair for 3 years, and one day, when he mistook my words for "going to malaysia", he told me to be careful, to enjoy myself. he didn't scold me for getting poor results during secondary school, he told me a pass is enough, where in the world, where can i get someone so supportive of me, always behind me yet letting me take control of ma life?
he taught me the principles of life, have my own and always abide it. he's caring towards us, just that it's in a quieter way, ain't showing it out.

i miss my block20 playmates, thinking back, recalling the days, 4pm sharp, i would unlock my door, looking down from my 7th storey flat, telling myself.. "OK, it's soccer time!"
soccer, basketball, badminton, "baseball", blind mice, catcing, ice and water, "BOM".. hiding all around the block, behind the mama shop, in the RC corner, lying flat trying to blend in with the grass. everyone's grown up now .. everyone has their own different set of path to follow, different routes to take. to me, u guys have been wonderful, u guys are the reason for my wonderful childhood, as namely, SHENGLIAN, MA LIAN, DEXTER, XIAODI, CLEMENT, CHINCHER, BABU, JIAWEI, ALEX, ROYSTON.. i thank u all.. we will catch up one day and reminisce won't we? :D

never forget my childhood friend, the one and only i'm still in contact with, the one person whom i believe had a family staying next door whom was ghosts. his name is JO-JO, as known as sylvester. he's changed pretty much since young, but hey, who doesn't? in my heart, u'll still be that JO-JO whom i used to know, that innocent little fellow whom i spend my .. my .. nursery with ..

never to forget my primary school mates out there, yes we might not be contacting or talking much as how we used to nowadays, but hey ... u guys were the first group i mixed with, the first few groups which i knew when i stepped into the education-world.. jianrong, kiawei, kah ho ...
(:

oh sweet, here's one of my favorite ones, my secondary school peeps, 1D-2D, 3E-4E.
to begin with, 1d-2d, how excited was i when i was being posted to GanEngSeng School. man did i mixed around well with them .. recalled the days listening to arun's BS, same goes to weirong, and his highpants, our literature lesson, history ones, maths - our bulldog teacher. the first class i made my own video with. our dnt lesson, art and craft. MUSIC! the first real guilty thing i did, stepping on arun's shoe, the lower part, the cushion thingy.. causing it to tear, and pretending that i didn't do it on purpose. HE went to dnt room to GLUE the part back OK. :( sorry arun..
the unity in the countdown of school hours. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 DING DONG DING DONG .. THAT SOCCER MATCH AGAINST 2B, THE GOALKICK WEIRONG TOOK .. NEVER GON FORGET BOUT IT.

3E-4E, i thought i would be screwed when i realised i've been posted to the last express class during my batch, the one and only combined sciences and express class .. oh god help me .. but never did i realise, things weren't that bad, but fruitful in the end. i pass my O levels and now i'm taking a business-related course in poly. what do u get in 4E? what makes us so special, what makes this class meaningful to me? what makes this .. "lousy piece of shit" class click??

we did shits together, we enjoyed every single bit of it, from

playing psp in class, talking back to teacher together, ''faking to sleep'' during history lessons together, allowing people to sit into our class during MISS KANG's(english) lesson, tieing weijie to a chair with masking tape and placing him outside a girls' toilet, taking recess-breaks' during chinese lesson with teacher's approval, xfering ''colours of the wind'' in class, vandalising the board behind, trapping phelan in a cleaner's room, kick starting all the trends example ''laughing at zao-xia'' .. pushing one another into year1 classes and locking the backdoor, forcing the person to exit from the front, to calling people by their fathers' name. forcing people to smell 3-months overdued curry. making a teacher quit on us.. HAHA.

many look down on our class, branding us as a helpless bunch, never gon make it, but we did. and so proud are we to tell others that we enjoyed our 2years, and the fun we had..

my freshie poly class, 1b04, ahh. not afraid to admit, i didn't kinda like them in the start. they stayed so near, yet they would just head home after school. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM? was i thinking .. as time goes by, everyone start to open up, start to be a bit more steady.. i'm lucky .. as compared to other classes, we've that togetherness which some other classes are lacking ..

i'm lucky .. and everyday i give thanks to whomever that's up there, behind all this, i say thank you for everything i've, whatever stuffs i've been through, and any obstacles being placed ahead in my life, whatever mudholes in my path which will bring me to my knees .. i say thank you ..

timecheck, it's 6.50 am now, i should wake farhan up and get some rest myself.. goodnight .

ITS ME .